Roseli Ilano: On the definition of art, realistic goals, and the best way to start the day
Advice from a community builder and entrepreneur
Meet our next creator, Roseli Ilano:
Roseli Ilano
Age: 40*
Kids: Nayeli, 6; Tino, 1
Location: Oakland, CA
Title: Head of Community, Eventbrite
Side Project: Bittermelon Magazine
*Ages at time of interview
Having it all. I remember in the Before Times—when I had a still-nursing baby, a toddler, a full-time job, and a few dormant dreams—joking with another mom in my office about our situation. Our hair was messy. There were various bodily fluids on our clothes. Crumbs in our bags. Doodles on our work papers. And we would look at each other and say, “Well, this is what having it all looks like.” Then I would go to the bathroom and squish in a pumping/crying session before the next meeting.
This week we’ll hear from Roseli Ilano, who not only has two young children and a full-time job but also a creative hustle on the side. How does she do it all? SHE DOESN’T. I found it so refreshing when she said there is no such thing as a balanced life. You can’t do it all. And that’s okay. I’m going to say that again because I’m probably not the only one who needs to be reminded of this: It’s okay not to be able to do it all. “It’s never wise to judge yourself or your situation when you’re 1) sick or 2) sleep-deprived,” Roseli says. And she’s learning to accept a lack of balance and roll with it and make it work for her as best she can.
Roseli is driven by one primary thing, which is the through line of all the facets of her life: a spirit of community. She brings people together. She officially does this as the head of community for Eventbrite, where she supports creative entrepreneurs who are putting together live experiences.
And her passion projects, whether design- or media-related, have that same beautiful spirit. Read on to find out what she’s working on now and for the greatest tip ever on the best way to start the day.
Now, Roseli Ilano, in her own words…
On kids blowing up your life:
So much changed when I had kids. Before you have kids, it’s easier to be cavalier with your time and not realize how precious it is. But when you have a child growing before you, it becomes so apparent how things shift with time.
Before I had kids, I was really engaged with the world. Spearheading art projects, being entrepreneurial, traveling the world, engaging with art and ideas by going to openings and film screenings and book talks. And while I don’t get to do that as much now—in fact, I don’t get to do it at all—it made me really want to bring my kids along on that journey to inspire them to be creative. To think about ways we can do art together, to think about how I can model a creative life for them. It expanded my view of what creativity is.
On rethinking what art is in your life:
There’s this whole concept of “post art.” It’s this concept that art is also about the way that a baker bakes bread or the way a builder builds a house. When I was introduced to that concept, it really made me think about how parenting is creative. And how everyday, mundane, taken-for-granted ways of living our lives can be performed as art.
I recently started a garden, a vegetable garden, an herb garden, a flower garden. And it’s been a really therapeutic outlet for me personally but also a way that I can engage my kids. And I think of it as a completely creative endeavor—growing a garden with my kids.
So much of how I walk in the world is in my head. So things that ground me more with my kids that are physical, that are manual—we’re doing art together, we’re gardening together—that helps me feel balanced.
On finding creativity on the side:
ILANO [Roseli’s design company] was a creative outlet for me. I designed textiles and partnered with artisans, weavers, and women’s weaving collectives around the world in Mexico, in the Philippines. We were making rugs and shoes and doing accessories like bags. It was really, really successful in terms of wholesale accounts and press and really getting to explore the meeting of being entrepreneurial and being creative. When I had my daughter, Nayeli, that kind of slowly got put on hold.
My new project that I’m incubating with some curator and designer friends is Bittermelon Magazine. We started right before the pandemic and had to put a pin in the project. But I’m hopeful that 2023 is the year we get it off the ground. The concept is an editorial and beautifully designed monthly newsletter and eventually a bi-yearly print publication. We’ll explore the many ways Filipino migrant culture transforms art and design around the world. Our work centers migrants as potent and influential sources of culture. Interviews, image portfolios, reviews, film, audio, and photography provide a nuanced perspective into the intimate spaces and public landscapes being shaped by the new Philippine aesthetic.
On the impossibility of balance:
I think what I’ve learned is that you can’t do it all at once. For me, it’s really been about accepting that there’s no such thing as balance. So I think about my productivity and output and my ability to be creative and carve out that space for myself to be creative, and I think about it in terms of waves. When my daughter was really young, I didn’t have as much time to be creative. But when she became more independent that opened up a lot more hours in the day to pursue creative projects. Thinking about it as ebbs and flows has been a helpful framework for me. That has made the pressure less hard, so I’m not judging myself to some unrealistic standard.
When I had that realization—that it’s not about being balanced, it’s about the ebbs and flows—I had a newborn and I couldn’t even take a shower. And I had to get to the point where I was like, Every day I’m going to do one thing for myself. Today I am going to take a shower. Tomorrow I will go outside and get some sunshine and take the baby for a walk. I had to greatly scale back what was achievable for me. I went from being a very high-performing person and checking off a to-do list and feeling really accomplished to the inverse of that of, Okay, today I’m going to brush my hair and take a shower. It’s a really humbling experience.
On one thing you can do for yourself:
It’s kind of changed my life, but one thing that I do is wake up before my kids do. It’s really helped me start the day off in the right mindset and on the right footing. I used to try to get as much sleep as I could, until my daughter would wake me up or my baby would wake me up, and then I shifted that to waking up an hour or 30 minutes before the first person in my household wakes up. Right now my son is getting up around 6, so I’ll get up at 5:30. It was a big adjustment for me to get myself to wake up that early, but I just feel so much more grounded. If you can take that time to wake up before your kids, you’re setting the tone, and your kids aren’t setting the tone for you. I think it makes a big difference.
Whole heartedly agree on waking up before your house does. If I don't do this - I am almost angry with myself because I haven't gotten time for my own thoughts before the chaos ensues. It's like letting yourself become hangry while you feed everyone else around you - not a good place to be. I write during the early hours, you could call it journaling, but it has helped me get to know myself again (after kid).
great work. Keep doing what you're doing!