Happy Hour Hack: Talking with kids about racism and getting tattoos at 80
Happy Hour Hack: Talking with kids about racism and getting tattoos at 80
The Latoya Lovely edition
Welcome to the Happy Hour Hack, a weekly Friday post of tips and inspiration to take you into the weekend. I always share one thing from my interviewee of the week, along with any ideas I receive from readers, plus some things that are piquing my own interest.
Hack
I had the pleasure of chatting this week with Portland-based muralist and artist Latoya Lovely. As you can see below, her work is stunning:
Her ever-important tip is for us to communicate with our children:
Tell your babies the truth. James and I talk about a lot of things that I never talked to my parents about ever, like not even as a teenager or a young adult. And we have to talk about the struggles of Black and brown individuals, how people are killed by police. Like, why was Mommy crying during the pandemic? Why was I breaking out in hives? Because I was stressed out about a murder of a man by a police officer. Why wouldn’t kids want to know these things?
One of the kindergarten classes I was in, a little brown boy in a school that was mostly white was arguing with a couple of his classmates. And I just came over to listen, to just be a safe adult. I let them continue to argue so that I could see what they were talking about. The little boy was like, “They’re telling me that I’m lying because I’m telling them that a cop killed a man.” And the little kids were like, “Well, my parents have never told me that.” And I almost cried because I’m thinking in my head, it’s probably because you’re white. And this little brown boy cannot live in this world the way that you do. And his parents are talking to him just like I talk to my son. But it’s not fair that he carries that burden and that these poor babies are calling him a liar because they’ve never heard anything so wild in their life. It is our responsibility—white folks, everybody—in some manner, in the best way that you can to tell your children the damn truth. That’s how our world is going to change.
You can read more of Latoya’s thoughts here.
Book
Latoya recommended the book series “A Kids Book About” for teaching kids about different issues. They cover wide-ranging topics from banking to emotions to death. There are several apropos to Latoya’s message of telling our kids the truth about race, including books on white privilege, systemic racism, and racism (pictured below).
Skit
Latoya talked about how her experience during the pandemic taught her that not only should she not apologize for bringing her son along on projects but that she SHOULD bring him along and have him be part of the process. It’s the natural thing to do, and it’s good for everyone involved.
Our ingrained need to apologize for absolutely everything reminded me of the skit from Inside Amy Schumer called “So Sorry.” It’s a classic. If you haven’t seen it, you can check it out here.
Bad-Ass Women
I guess it’s a sign of hitting middle age, but I’m increasingly obsessed with finding role models for how to age well. Every woman has to have her own definition of what that means, and as long as we’re not doing anything to undermine one another (ahem, Martha), then we should be accepting of each woman’s decisions.
To me, this woman, Elaine Soloway, is doing it right. I love this piece she wrote for Huffington Post. If nothing else, just read the headline:
“Why I Chose to Get a Tattoo Instead of a Face-Lift for My 80th Birthday.”